You always knew what the future holds for me
You protected what was of most value to me
You always give me a second chance to amend my mistakes
Beginning of the year, I thought I had everything, I thought I achieved all these successes on my own, I thought whatever was mine is all my credit.
True enough, I do own all of them but without You I am nothing.
What You have given to me and taken away from me, You had your plans.
I am such a loser yet You always have Your way to turn me into a winner.
Yesterday night, You shown me and proved to me that I'm not whatever he says I am. I thank You for all Your care and concern throughout my tough ride with Life. I'm thankful for what You've done in my life. Indeed " People will only appreciate you when they needed you", that's the rule, but this time I choose to break and go against it.
To DYLAN* - Like what I've mentioned, money or treats doesn't compensate to what you have done to me. I'm not asking anything for return. I did what was right and that is to answer God's call to help a dying man, however there is one thing that I want to say and that is the respect I had for you; I took it away. Perhaps it was that sincerity in you or you were just being desperate (be it an insult or whaterver, I don't even bother about how you feel), thats why I agreed to come out. Bottomline is things won't be that easy as what it use to be, you have to work your way up to earn back my respect for you. (gee why would I be even saying this out? spoon feeding?? you don't get this everyday, don't take me for granted) At this point I'm sure you are pissed at what I'm saying, FACE it ! you were once a winner but God pushed you down again for a reason, whinning or DRINKING doesn't make the cut. you should be thankful that GOD have yet to show you the ugliest side of the society. MAN enough? Then pick up your balls and walk on your own for once. This world isn't always about sunshine and rainbows, this is a mean and cruel world. you are lucky that I showed up or even replied your sms, not that I am that good, I have to answer to GOD about my actions. I'm not that good as I always claim to be yet I want you to know, I give it my best shot. you want to get angry with the above messages that I delibrately wrote out for you , be my guest. This isn't just an insult to your injuries, this is a wake up call. Reflect on your actions, still I'm not right all the time and I've paid for my mistakes, you are lucky you don't have to. One more note on your relationship, I hope you are serious if this problem ends by breaking up. Plus it's not easy to just find a person who loves you, you just got lucky with your looks and finances because GOD gave you, use them wisely as they don't come easily. BE THANKFUL !
On a personal note, I don't think drinking will help to make someone better (like what you said on your post) that's why I keep mention about Drinking, I admit I'm not a good drinker or whatever they call it, still DRINKING just to pour out my problems? nah I have my own ways.
Hence I end this post by thanking GOD for all your care and guidance =)
One question thou, is she the right one for me? or is it just another passerby who is going through the same path as me? Whatever You had installed for me, please prepare me for it >.<
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Semester 1 has ended in a smooth way, glad that everybody was able to complete their work on time and congrats to those who did a great job on the Egg holder ! DD0901 FTW...
So much has changed in my life but i've gotta thank God that everything turned out the way it should be and placing all these great people in my life at the right time.
Now i'm looking for a job =) hope i can get it asap (fingers crossed >.<)
Preparing for my next semester already, and i'm sure that semester will be another new height for me to climb, i'll do my best.
( I don't go around and spill other people's flaws. I'm sure you will say that you're right and i'm wrong, i don't owe you anything neither do you. I never Ps'ed you on friday, I told you that I'm busy and don't assume that everyone is as free as you. What's wrong with eating chicken rice? Stop thinking yourself as somebody, to me you ain't that intimidating. Called me a loser & F**ker? At least I'm not like you, crying like a baby when you lose your lolipop. If you really claim to be someone, prove it, you don't even have the set of balls to come face to face with me when i asked you to. MAN ? i doubt that you are even one, want to talk about the past debt? What you said to Vivien about me back then, I didn't even argue about it and I even helped you throughout the whole situation. Your second relationship, it was screwed and I was the one who picked you up when you fell again, think about it BOY! I never asked for anything but just some understanding about what i'm going through. Like what you said, 5years of friendship is over. I'm not the one who ended it, it was you. The world isn't just about rainbows and sunshine, now that you are out there without me, we'll see what the future has installed for you. Bottomline : family&school projects are more important, thats why I didn't turn up )
Thursday, April 9, 2009
If i had a choice , i would rather skip April 7th of every year.
( Most of you will be thinking i'm whinning my Ass Off again )
STFU bitches... You guys are Blessed to have family & friends to celebrate your Day with you , I don't !
Earlier on i thought i'm into TON of surprises even before my day arrives .
Sunday April 5
Church and everything , i waited and anticipated.
Nothing comes out of it.
All i hear is people asking me to Forgive that JinCai
WTF ! Come'on la , Jincai Bday i got chip in $$ , this son of a Gun screwed me and you expect me to be forgiving ?
Fuck u ! No one in church didn't even bother that my Bday will be coming in a Few Days time ! Absolutely nothing happened!
For so much i've done to change the cell group members , all i got was Blame being pushed onto me .
Nvm ! God is Great , I'll be forgiving.
Luckily Monday was something Happening
Sally accompanied me through the whole day
yet i was waiting for sms on my Bday wishes n stuff.
i've only got Dylans .
Nvm that. Moving on
Tuesday , went for my Nyp orientation
Thank God for giving such a great experience in Nyp
Got into groups with crazy awesome people =)
When i got home , all i've got was " Oi , Yang you have money ma? " Oh wtf? You didnt even wish me happy bday , damn u got the audecity to ask for money?!
Nvm uh , Forgiving.
I waited for Sms from FRIENDS to Jio me out
Such a disappointment , I've gotta ask people to celebrate with me! Nvm uh , at least they took the time off to hang with me . Thnks SWS SWL EK =)
Those people who i expect to celebrate with me , Where the Fuck are you! FIND THE HURT , HEAL THE HURT ! SCREW IT LA M*ther F*ck*rs
From now on , You guys can take this friendship and shaft it down all of your Asses !
CHURCH , Schoolmates , Family ! GO fuck yourselves !
oh ya to ***** , Pls make up your mind !
If i'm so good like you said , why am i still here !
April 7 , no presents , no sms , no calls ...
Don't blame me for doing the same shit to all of you !
GOD ! You've seen me doing so many things !
WHY! Why am i torture in such way ?
Why can't i just celebrate my DAY like other kids?
Presents Family Friends!
Why?
Am i a BAD ass?
Am i a JERK?
Am i a SINNER?
If i am , pls take my Life away !
Kill me !
Whats the point of living when You always give me Craps!
A simple Gift like a happy momment during my bday?
Oh for all you CHR****IAN reading my blog , If you think i am a no good son of a Gun , Ask yourself this " what makes you so different from me ! "
Men's ministry ? Fuck , if you guys think attending this and immediately you are changed into a man , Don't be Naive .
MM will always be a Joke to me .
Lord , what do you want from me?
I've done what you have planned for me , to Change and mold people into better man
What else? When can i have a Break ? When can i Get SALLY?
ANSWER ME !
Friday, March 27, 2009
Time has come to know who is truely there for me
Family - Definately
God - No doubt , and i know you are there
Friends - ???
Everytime you guys seek me for solutions
Now i'm set & done in dealing all of your Stuff
Standing lonesome i may be
One thing for sure , I'll not fall down as you want me to be
Strong & Steady I'll stand
For God is True and always there to defend
People i've know are countless , but True friends are only a few
Darkest & hostile infront of me
Yet i believe God is here with me
Tough times is here but not for long
But my Faith for you is forever long
So here i am
In the toughest situation
I ask myself this question
What is the answer to all this equations
Uncertainty rise upon my head
Yet i choose not to bow to dead
Problems are like a cycle
But is a time for Him to make a miracle
Lord i pray in your name
Relieve my family from all pressure
Rejoice in the Lord is what you assure
Time will fly and tell
For my story doesn't ends in hell
April 7 is coming near
All i seek is a recover
To see my dad succeed in his career
Simple prayer is all i ask
" Lord , Bless my family is all i speak"
AMEN
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
2.45am
Dad was screaming in pain
Mum Sleeping and she thought it was just another normal sight
Dad asked me Again to apply oilment for him to ease the pain
2.50am
Dad told me he could bare no more
The pain was unbearable
We took a cab down to chong pang 24hr clinic
Dad was still in pain
Opened the door and went in to see Doc
Doc did a examine on Dad , i'm not too sure what its for
Doc came back with results
He claimed : " It was a Heart attack , No dragging , head to hospital right away "
3.20am
Reached Tan Tock Seng
Did our registration
Patiently waiting for Dad's turn to be dianogsed
20mins and i'm still waiting for Dad to come out
4.00am
I pick up my balls and head straight to the nurse
Told her i could wait no more
Then a male doc came and told me " This is the early stage of Heart attack , it is comfirmed that he ( Dad ) is going to ICU "
" Your Dad will be ready in an Hour time "
5.00am
Went up to Ward6A / Bed 15
Still not ready for visit
Msg'd Elder bro about it
My mind was like a raging sea , I find no peace
6.00am
1st bro & mum reached
6.10am
Went into the ward
The scene was like a scientist was conducting a Experiment on my Dad , Wires & Cables was all over his upper body
Sobbing came next while my Mum hugs Dad
Speechless and heart broken
Now we see a man who raised a family of 6 by carrying Boxes of Kilogram for a living being burnt out
6.30am
Nurse came by and told us that Dad will be going through couple of Test later
Dad was still laughing away
7.00am
We decided to head home while 1st bro went for his wedding pic taking session
On the way back , heard alot of stuff about my Dad which i never knew at all
Now
No words can explain how i feel
Neither can i comprehend how i feel
Lord , Pls Be With Dad
He's no Christian at all but I'm asking you to Look at him now
He doesn't deserve such treatment
Friends betrayed him , Brothers turned against him , Boss picked on him
A man who just want his family to be happy and had to work his ass off under Extreme temperature & heat
He never commit adultery
In my mum's eye he was a man of his word
Luxury was never his friend
But he worked his ass off to prove worthy to befriend with $$$
Until today he has yet to receive comfirmation to be a friend with $$$$
Laying on the bed is what he is doing now
I pray in your name Jesus , Heal my dad
Goh Chan San deserves a better Life
* If any of you Son of B*tch Jack A$* knuckle Head Punk A$*
Jes** wannabe were to say that my Dad has no hope , I dare you say infront of me . Be garunteed that You won't breath nor see the next minute .
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Talking about disappointments , none can hurt me more than my friends...
Well i truely hope that my words can get into your mind , 5 years and i've been lied about everything... It's over... Prove to yourself and the world to be the Man that you always claimed to be...
With all that aside , now is back to me Again...
Of course i feel awful about it.
From the start , I knew it that i was going to be deemed as the bad guy while you can score some sympathy from the audience.
I never thought of how others feel? Well if you said so.
I'm not going back there anymore , I don't wana be Judged as a bad guy.
I wana be appreciated , No credits stolen .
For 5 years , so many had walked away from me. But any of them know how i feel?
Alone & Desperate.
I need to figure a away out. I wana quit this job. It is too painful and time consuming , I've could have acomplished more than what i am having right now.
Appreciate - Despite whether you are in church or not! How many of you have appreciated those who have helped you?
Now all of you might be thinking , " EH dont jiao wei la , speaks as if you are so Big n powerful , arent u just seeking for sympathy too?"
No problem , I ok with it . Until you step into my shoes , you will realise " Sometimes it's getting to Hell than to Heaven".
I've learned alot in CHC , Thank you For your knowledge.
For those who listened and see me through , Thank you.
I don't want to be deemed as a BAD ASS in church.
No more of it. 5 years too long.
From now , my doors are closed .
No more bible reading , Churchy-being .
I'll be alone out there , continue searching until one day someone truely accepts me for who i am.
Being MAD is no more in me . MAD : ( Making A Difference )
If you guys are smart enough , claimed that you are better , well prove it =)
I'm not being sarcastic , Just Do It . The one who wins will always be all of you out there , Work Hard for yourself . Be the person you want to be. Dont try to please everyone , Be Original .
Humble and willing to learn - This is the key to success ^^
Thats all I've gotta say.